Why you should stop looking for a relationship to complete you

Why you should stop looking for a relationship to complete you

How do you feel about it? Life being single! You go out to family meetings, dinner, events, activities. At this period you spend christmas with extended family. Sometimes you go out alone, hang out with friends, you are all dolled up, beautiful, hot, and everything is going on well. Until someone points out yet another year has gone and you are not yet in a relationship. Single at 30, probably 40. Evident societal pressure to settle down and have a family and being constantly reminded that people of your age are married. Don’t give this vibe energy! Why you should stop looking for a relationship to complete you.

When someone asks you why you are single?

Your friends practically have two, three and even four kids and all this makes you feel emotionally uncomfortable!. Sometimes everything else is working out in your life except your love life and you ask yourself. Why cant this one thing(single) work out?. Again don’t give these thoughts and feelings too much energy. When someone asks you why you are single?. There is some feeling about it that triggers something uncomfortable within us. Why you should stop looking for a relationship to complete you.

Comparing your life with everyone else

Comparing yourself to everyone else – your friends are in relationship, your friends are married. This makes you think “other people seem to be doing fairly well in this and I am not”. Social media doesn’t make things better for you, “married, engaged” facebook updates on your friends profiles makes you feel like you are missing out. When we are looking at other’s lives and comparing ourselves we feel that our lives are not moving at the expected timeframe and we feel like we are losing out.

Relationships go through phases

Different relationships take different phases and they end over the course of our lives. The people we are comparing ourselves too may not be in a relationship 5 years from now. Right now on your 30s specifically 38, that voice inside you is telling you “God, I really thought at this point in my life I would have someone and 2 kids”. Meanwhile, your friends who got married at 26 and who is now 34 is finalizing on her divorce. So something has happened, you have skipped a divorce. Your friend will be in the same position as you in 2 years from now nevertheless right now you are judging yourself because you are not in a relationship. Relationships don’t progress at the same pace and time for everyone. Comparing yourself to other people only reveals that you are comparing yourself to a snapshot in time.

Feeling like being in a relationship will complete you

Feeling like being in a relationship will complete you and it is profoundly a better state than not being in a relationship. The feeling that being in a relationship is just a happier position and experience. This is contentious, however, there are ofcourse experiences within a committed relationship that contribute to some of the best experiences in life.

On the other hand, if that is to be true, only a small proportion of relationships actually attain that level of fulfillment. Many of the other relationships that we see around us are miserable or they are just average. Two people coasting along. More often people who are not happy in their relationship ask us why we are not in one. Almost like a way to justify their position of having chosen their relationship. People who are really happy in relationships don’t go around asking everyone else “Why are you single? Why are you single?”

Standards and putting yourself first

We need to realize that it’s not about whether we are in a relationship because society(friends and family) say that we should be in a relationship.  If you have not met the right person yet, then you have made the right decision by not being in a relationship. That could be a reflection of you having great standards, you are not willing to settle for the wrong person. In particular, this can be a positive thing that you are single right now. This should be a realization that you are not willing to “settle” because of society expectations but because you have decided to put yourself first.