Ignore The Guy To Get The Guy

The phrase “Ignore the guy, get the guy” is a modern dating slang that has made waves in online forums, self-help books, and relationship advice columns. At first glance, it might sound manipulative or counterintuitive — why would ignoring someone help you attract them? But this phrase is less about playing games and more about psychological dynamics and self-respect.

Let’s explore what it actually means, where it comes from, and what it reflects about dating and human behavior.

The Psychology Behind the Phrase

“Ignore the guy, get the guy” taps into a basic principle of human psychology. People tend to value what isn’t immediately available. When someone appears distant, busy, or hard to reach, it often increases their perceived value. It’s not necessarily about rejection — it’s about not being overly available or desperate for attention.

In dating, when someone feels that you’re always accessible, constantly texting, or emotionally over-invested too soon, it can create imbalance. The other person may start to feel pressured, bored, or even turned off.

But when you pull back, focus on yourself, and create space, you:

Spark curiosity
Maintain emotional independence
Avoid coming across as clingy
Let the other person initiate effort

This triggers a subconscious desire to pursue and earn your attention — the essence of the “ignore the guy, get the guy” concept.

It’s Not About Games — It’s About Energy

To be clear, this phrase doesn’t encourage manipulation, ghosting, or toxic behavior. It’s not about pretending not to care or being rude.

At its healthiest interpretation, “Ignore the guy, get the guy” means:

Stop chasing.
Stop overthinking every message.
Stop putting someone on a pedestal.
Redirect your energy inward — to yourself, your hobbies, your healing, your life.

That shift in energy often leads you to become more attractive, confident, and magnetic — not just to others, but to yourself.

Examples

Ella goes on a few dates with a guy named Mark. She starts texting him every morning, replying instantly, and rearranging her schedule to match his. Mark begins to withdraw. Ella panics and texts more. He disappears.

Now imagine if Ella had kept her life full, responded when convenient, and let Mark make effort too. He might have stayed more interested — not because she ignored him, but because she wasn’t too available.

Sasha recently ended a situationship and decided to focus on herself. She started working out, took a weekend trip, and logged off social media. Her ex — who hadn’t texted in weeks — suddenly messaged her, curious about her life.

This isn’t magic. It’s emotional space creating intrigue and renewed interest.

The Trap of Misuse

While the phrase can be empowering, misusing it as a manipulative strategy backfires. If you’re:

Ignoring someone to punish them
Pretending to be busy to get a reaction
Playing hard to get just to feel superior

…then the connection isn’t genuine. Authentic relationships are built on mutual interest, healthy boundaries, and emotional honesty.

Let Them Come to You — While You Grow

“Ignore the guy, get the guy” isn’t a rulebook — it’s a reminder to prioritize your emotional wellbeing over approval-seeking.

It means

Don’t over-pursue.
Don’t beg for attention.
Let attraction flow naturally by valuing yourself first.

Whether the guy comes or goes, you win — because you didn’t abandon yourself to chase someone else.

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Do you ignore someone to bring them closer?

Stop putting people specifically your boyfriend in a pedestal. Your Ex has their own flaws which you struggle to notice for what they are consequently you put him in a pedestal. Your ex was once your boyfriend and now after the break up you still have unrealistic expectations on him.

How can you be able to move on considering that he is now no longer in life yet you are not even sure you want him back. Ignore the guy to get the guy. Focus on other things, have interests which you enjoy doing besides relationship with now ex. For example, exercises, hobbies, reading a book you love, watching a movie or a documentary etc.

Ex contacts you

He might reach out or he might not reach out, we cant tell for sure. If does contacts you and you decide to respond to them. Consider that it will depend on what you are getting from them. If it’s a positive experience, no problem! you can respond to him. Negativity or something you don’t want for instance, they are being nasty, emotionally unavailable, mean then you correct the believe about yourself that is okay with this behavior.

Believes

We have to have self respect enough to not allow this kind of conduct in our life. Are you okay with attracting these kinds of people?. What believes do you have about men? What are you projecting out?. For example, if you experience absence of a person in your life, then change the believes that they are never around.

More believes for instance, they never contact me, I am not a priority, I don’t matter, I am not important to them, they don’t want me in their life, I must been not good enough, there is something wrong with me. These negative vibrations will attract similar energy. If your mind carries a heavy burden of past, you will experience more of the same.

How to correct negative believes

Start correcting these unconscious beliefs within yourself, change them to what you want and desire to experience in your life.

I love how they contact me, how our conversation flows. Feeling the closeness within us is something I enjoy. We understand each other which is amazing. The kindness they extend to me is something I love and I extending kindness to them. We understand each other better every day. When something doesn’t go well we can overcome it because we have good trust. We have a good understanding and the more I work on myself the better the relationship is. Living in the end as Neville Goddard states. You can even write them down, journal them.

Don’t ignore your specific person or put them up in a pedestal either. Have a series of activities for your life, things you love, do you, do affirmations as stated previously. Imagine, create a scene about how lovely your relationship is and create a give and take a free flow between the two of you.

If they make the effort to call or connect with you don’t ignore them. Be open, inviting, kind, gracious, be dignified and reciprocate because they are stepping towards you so step towards them. No need to apply no contact as things are actually moving towards something more positive. Decide “I am going to enjoy the connection and being together whether it is through phone calls and text conversation”.