I work outside home: From the Psychologist’s desk

I work outside home

I work outside home: From the Psychologist’s desk. Since children are now in school, I have gone back to work. My job and the housework are giving me a lot of stress. My husband is not used to helping out at home. Should I give up my job? Is there any other solution?

Psychologist’s answer

It is normal that you are suffering from stress if you have added 40 to 50 more hours of work per week, including travel time, to your schedule. Anyway, no matter how easy it is, a new job causes stress at the beginning. There is adjustment to changes of a new job which include location, new duties, different employees, different work structure etc.

Quitting 

Personally, I do not think that you need to give up your job. It can provide you with healthy motivation and can contribute not only to your financial well-being but also to your physical and psychological welfare.

However, it is absolutely necessary that you find help at home. The best course of action would be to involve your family. If you ask for their help in a friendly and open way, they will undoubtedly support you. This will give your family a sense of solidarity and mutual understanding.

Have in mind some specific ideas when you ask your husband and your children to help:

• Don’t wait until you are exhausted from working to scream at them for not helping out around the house
• Look for the appropriate time to speak with all your family about your problem. Perhaps the weekend is the best time speak first with your husband. Express your concern, your feelings and your need of support. Afterwards, as a family, discuss the matter together
• Ask for a specific commitment from each member of the family. Each person should have his or her specific responsibilities. Ask them what they would be willing to do. Some men haven’t learned to cook, but they could handle dusting or vacuuming.
• Children, even young ones, can help with the chores, especially when it comes to their own things: their rooms, their toys, their closets and if they are now school-aged, they can take on more important responsibilities. Remember that by involving the children you are only relieving pressure on yourself, but you are teaching self-discipline and self-control. This could actually save you from future stress.

Follow through on the agreements reached. These types of plans tend to begin with lots of energy, but they also tend to run out of momentum until, once again, the responsibilities fall upon the original person. In order to make this plan work, you must thank your family now and again for their help, and remind them in a friendly, non-threatening way when they forget to do their part. When something is done especially well, dont forget to praise the person involved. This is absolutely necessary in the beginning before habits have been established. With time and patience, the new routines will become habitual and the tasks will eventually be done almost automatically.