How to Stop being an over-communicator

How to Stop Being an Over-Communicator: Understanding the Habit and Reclaiming Balance

In relationships, communication is often praised as the key to success — but can there be such a thing as too much communication? Yes. Enter the concept of over-communicating.

While being expressive, honest, and open is essential, some people develop a habit of saying too much, too often, too intensely — often in an attempt to seek reassurance, manage anxiety, or avoid misunderstanding. This pattern, though well-intentioned, can leave others feeling overwhelmed and emotionally crowded, while leaving the over-communicator emotionally drained and unfulfilled.

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What Is Over-Communicating?

Over-communicating is when a person shares excessively, often to the point of repeating themselves, oversharing intimate thoughts too early, explaining in circles, or pushing for responses. It can look like:

• Sending multiple messages before getting a reply

• Repeating your needs or concerns even after they’ve been heard

• Over-explaining your actions or thoughts to avoid being misunderstood

• Constantly checking in or asking how the other person feels

• Apologizing repeatedly through texts or conversations

• Feeling anxious if a conversation ends without resolution

This behavior often stems from a deep desire to connect, but ironically, it can push others away or make interactions feel emotionally exhausting.

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Why Do People Over-Communicate?

According to psychologists, over-communication often arises from anxious attachment styles — people who fear abandonment or rejection and try to prevent it by staying constantly engaged or emotionally available.

Other underlying causes include:

• Fear of being misunderstood

• Low self-esteem or fear that silence equals rejection

• Perfectionism — wanting to say “just the right thing”

• Past trauma — especially if someone grew up in a household where emotional needs weren’t heard

In some cases, over-communication can also be a form of control — trying to manage every aspect of the relationship through verbal closeness and emotional explanation.

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The Problem With Over-Communicating

At first, your partner or friend may think your openness is refreshing. But over time, too much communication becomes emotional pressure because it:

• Leaves no room for natural space in the relationship

• Creates urgency where calm would be healthier

• Can trigger withdrawal in partners who need more time to process

• Leads to you feeling resentful if your emotional effort isn’t equally matched

Healthy relationships include both closeness and space. Communication should feel mutual, not one-sided or constant.

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How to Stop Being an Over-Communicator

1. Recognize the Pattern

Start by identifying your over-communication behaviors. Ask do I:

• Send multiple messages without waiting for a reply?

• Keep explaining myself after the point is made?

•  Feel anxious in silence?

Awareness is the first step to change.

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2. Embrace Pauses and Silence

You don’t have to fill every quiet moment with words. Practice pausing before you respond — or not responding at all. Give the other person space to absorb, think, and reply at their own pace.

Example: Instead of texting a follow-up 10 minutes later, set a timer for 30–60 minutes and focus on something else.

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3. Practice Emotional Containment

You don’t have to share every emotion as soon as you feel it. Journaling, deep breathing, or talking to a therapist can help you process before you pour out everything.

Ask yourself: “Is this urgent, or can it wait?”
Or: “Do I need to say this to them — or just acknowledge it for myself?”

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4. Rebuild Inner Safety

Over-communicators often don’t feel emotionally safe unless someone else reassures them. The more you validate and calm yourself, the less you’ll rely on others for constant affirmation.

Daily affirmations like “I am enough, even in silence” or grounding exercises like meditation can help rebuild internal confidence.

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5. Trust the Relationship

You don’t have to “talk it to death” to prove love or resolve issues. If a relationship is solid, it will survive time, pauses, and even occasional miscommunication.

Remind yourself: Healthy people don’t need constant explanation to stay connected.

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Conclusion

Communication is a bridge between hearts — but overuse can wear it down. Being a mindful communicator means learning to speak when needed and to rest in silence when words aren’t required.

When you stop over-communicating, you allow the relationship to breathe. You give yourself and the other person space to respond authentically — and that’s where true connection begins.

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Struggling with anxious communication patterns?
Visit MyOnlineRelationshipTherapy.com to explore tools and coaching that can help you build secure, balanced relationships — one conversation at a time.

Over-contacting is over communicating

Does this sound like you? You send a text to your boyfriend or girlfriend. Wait for 20 minutes, 30 minutes even an hour. You glance at your phone a couple of times and decide to wait patiently. A couple of texts later pop in but none from your specific person. Your babe has not yet replied to your text. Thereafter, you decide to fire another text and confirm it’s been received. As you diligently wait, anxiety kicks, in and you worry, speculate and become suspicious, “what could be happening” that’s anxiety talking. To begin with, how can you stop being an over-communicator

Obvious signs…

What is really happening is that you are over contacting your specific person. Stop. They have seen your text messages and will respond possibly at their own time and convenience. Create space for people to walk towards you, without you having to probe them. Stop trying to perk at the door.

When you over contact you are trying to get something, besides, people can feel that vibe. Allow people to approach you. When you don’t create space for people to walk to you, they become lazy. They dont have to walk to you because they get used to you doing all the work. Over communicating people comes from a place of lack of self love. You need to feel you are worth a response and refrain from probing in the name of “reminding them”.

Over-contacting comes from an unloving place

Over contacting pushes people away, furthermore, it doesn’t come from a loving place. It comes from a place of “I need to matter” at the same time, the need to get attention. It’s also considered as an obsession/addiction. The feeling that you need something from someone to feel better.

It is a sign you are trying to get love, attention, you want to be made a priority as a result of making them a priority. It is a self-unloving thing to do because you are doing too much and they do so little, you feel “I need to be loved to feel better” Do your own internal work and feel secure, loved, wanted and a priority and that you matter to become that on the outside and allow people to reach you.

What can you do if you feel the need to over contact?

How can you stop being an over-communicator?. Every time you feel the need to over contact, sit, allow yourself to experience the feeling, the need and write down what’s going on. Journal your thoughts, feelings, beliefs and assumptions. Realize that emotionally you have a need, work on that, when you write down you refrain from over-contacting people.

Sit with your own self love and give it to you, hold it to you. Stop over contacting your lover and allow him to come to you and approach you. Otherwise, you would let them go for a day or even 2 days without communicating without them contacting you and you would be fine. You would get on with your life without anxiety and worry.

In the meantime, let go of the outcome and the need to control people and focus on yourself. People start taking you for granted when you don’t treat yourself with respect and over contacting is a lack of self-respect.