Do you want to keep your ex in the first place?
That’s the real question, isn’t it?
Before you start Googling how to get your ex back, sending long texts, or stalking their stories on social media — pause. Take a breath.
Ask yourself, not from a place of panic or loneliness, but with honest reflection:
The truth is, many people try to hold on to an ex not because the relationship was truly fulfilling, but because they are struggling to sit with the discomfort of loss. And heartbreak has a funny way of magnifying memories — suddenly the good moments feel brighter, and the bad moments get blurry. But nostalgia is not reality. And pain is not proof that something was meant to be.
When a relationship ends, especially suddenly or without proper closure, your mind and heart go into withdrawal — almost like an addiction. You miss the familiarity, the shared routines, the comfort of “we.”
You start to question everything:
“Did I overreact?”
“Maybe it wasn’t that bad.”
“What if we just needed more time?”
This mental spiral is common, especially if you didn’t want the breakup. But wanting someone back just to escape grief is not the same as wanting to build a healthy relationship again.
If the relationship was toxic, abusive, emotionally draining, or one-sided, your desire to “keep your ex” may come from unresolved wounds — not from genuine compatibility.
But if your breakup happened due to timing, external pressure, or unresolved communication gaps — and both of you have grown since then — then yes, reconciliation could be possible.
The key is- don’t try to keep your ex as a way to avoid your healing. You must be willing to ask:
“Was I happy — or just attached?”
“Were they kind — or just consistent?”
“Did we grow together — or was I shrinking to keep the peace?”
So let’s say you’ve reflected, and deep in your gut, you still believe this person is someone worth keeping and rebuilding with. The question then becomes:
Start by reconnecting with clarity, not desperation. If they ended things, respect their space. Focus on rebuilding emotional trust and open communication, not chasing validation.
If you get the chance to talk, share how you’ve grown and what you’ve learned — not just how much you miss them. Real reconciliation isn’t about proving they were wrong to leave; it’s about showing that you’ve both evolved into people who can choose each other again, for the right reasons.
Sometimes, trying to keep an ex blocks the love that’s meant to come your way. You become emotionally stuck in yesterday, while life waits patiently for you to step into tomorrow.
You don’t always need to go back. Sometimes, you need to go forward with a clearer sense of what you deserve.
Because love isn’t a prize you beg for — it’s a mutual decision, built on trust, growth, and wanting to stay. And you can’t keep someone who’s not choosing you with their whole heart.
So, do you really want to keep your ex — or are you afraid to be without them?
Ask your heart. But ask your healed heart, not your lonely one. There’s a difference.
If your ex returns and both of you have grown, love can have a second chance.
But if the door is closed for good, remember this:
You’re not losing your future — you’re losing a piece of your past that no longer fits.
And sometimes, that’s the greatest gift of all.
Struggling with a breakup or unsure whether to reconcile?
Visit MyOnlineRelationshipTherapy.com for emotional clarity coaching, personalized support, and tools to help you heal, rebuild your confidence, and decide what love truly means to you now.
There are couple of things you need to figure out. First, are you dating someone new? Second, how has the new relationship been fairing? Finally would you consider dropping your new boyfriend and reconcile with your ex? Considering getting back with you ex. If you do decide to get back with your ex, at the initial meeting you have to mutually solve the issues that led to the break-up. Wait for your ex to bring up the issues that contributed to the split. It is important that your ex take accountability for is actions that led to the break up and you also have to identify your role in the breakup.
Consequently, now is not the time to blame everything that went wrong in the relationship on your ex. I know you have in your mind what he did wrong and how much he hurt you. Did he cheat, abuse you, was he irresponsible, critical of you, an alcoholic or workaholic, needy, selfish? How long did it take you to realize that your needs and wants were not met and you felt neglected?
As you mind goes through these thoughts and memories realize that if you do decide to go back. It’s important to address the issues and understand that people change out of their own will. Appreciate that people change and be the kind of people you need for themselves not because you want them. What about you?. What did you do that led to the break-up?. Look within yourself and take accountability for your actions Don’t blame everything on your ex? If you do decide to work on the relationship then read on.
Are you complacent?, Keeping your relationship active requires mutual efforts. Maintaining connection means staying in love, when your stop putting efforts, things go South. Relationships are like cars, they need to be taken care of and maintained.
Boredom! Don’t be boring in bed, have fun activities together, allowing your relationship fall into a rut doing the same predictable pattern, the same routine over and over. Be spontaneous, mix up your routines, be fun to hang around with, surprise your partner from time to time with activities like weekend gateways. Ever considered having sex in a hotel? Try out hotels, picnic and randomly grabbing dinner together after work.
Don’t let your bedroom become monotonous, have open conversations about sex, make it more interesting and invest in sexy lingerie.
Lost yourself!
Don’t give up your old hobbies, friendships, you still need to have your own life. Additionally, it will help prevent your relationship from becoming stagnant. When you both have interesting lives as individuals then you will bring more into the relationship.
Being needy, clingy, over protective or jealous!. You must give your partner space, trust and freedom, control your emotions, use logic and reasoning to overpower your own insecurities.
Don’t become overly dependent on your partner, for example behaviors like constantly seeking approval should be avoided. Don’t ask questions like “Don’t you love me any more?” Avoid whining and nagging when they don’t text regularly.
Avoid analysing your partner’s actions. These behaviours step from low self-esteem and abandonment. Build self-confidence and learn to trust your partner. Have a life out of the relationship, give your partner space. Own up to your behavior and explain what is going on to your boyfriend.