Do you feel trapped in your relationship?

Many relationships are characterized by a feeling of neglect by one or both spouses and moral deterioration leading to compromises. Difficulty in accepting each other’s gifts and potential. Lack of a joint approach to doing things together, failure to communicate effectively and promptly regarding issues or decisions. Do you feel trapped in your relationship?. Some people feel stuck in their marriages and justify their situations to staying because they have children and need their kids to grow with their Father/Mother.

Defeat the selfish trap

What we fail to realise is that the probability of a happy life can greatly depend on the kind of investment we are willing and able to make. What investment do we consider when making a choice to be with our partner?. The sacrifices we make require we embrace an “others-centred attitude” where we consider others more important and valuable to us. The moment I become the star. I fail to hold the other person in high esteem and instead become the queen or king. We stop being under the illusion that our happiness depends on our partner. We stop expecting our partner to make us happy and placing unrealistic expectations on our partner.

Defeat the “you verses me” trap

When making the marriage vows, we do not just say them because they are part of the wedding. The vows lays a clear foundation to which the marriage will make reference. For example, when we say “forgetting all others”. Do we mean that we are committed to fighting for each other and not at each other. Being under the illusion that others will not accept you for who you really are and thus looking for external validation creates an avenue for insecurity. We have to accept that we are good enough to be loved and accepted for who we are. Consequently, bing confident that we are worth our partners. When two people love each other and commit to the relationship. They are actually saying, “it is no longer about making myself acceptable but being myself so that I am loved for who I am”

Defeat the immorality trap

When we enter a relationship, trust and faithfulness are essential. We can negotiate the levels of honesty to bring into the relationship. Authentic relationships are basic to dating, engagement or marriage. We cannot negotiate on values like faithfulness. They must be part of our commitment to keep the marriage going and make it work. When we have values, they help solidify the relationship and give it character. We should not be under the illusion that values do not matter in relationships. They are the bedrock of any thriving relationship.

It is important to find out what values your partner upholds, in your dating stage, aim to includes values and interests in your conversations. Find out things like does your partner want to have children?. Does your partner value monogamy or is comfortable with an Open relationship?. What are their values on finances?. Do they get along with their parents?. What value do they place women/men and what motivates them to look forward to another day?.

Make the right choices and you will avoid future disappointments