Are you inlove? Can you tell?

Are You in Love? Can You Tell? Here’s How to Know for Sure

Falling in love is one of the most powerful emotional experiences a person can have — it’s exhilarating, consuming, and sometimes confusing. In the middle of it, it can be hard to tell. Is this true love? Or is it just infatuation?

It’s not always easy to understand the difference between love and infatuation, especially when feelings are intense. But psychology gives us helpful tools to recognize what’s happening in our minds and hearts.

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What Does It Mean to Be in Love?

Being “in love” goes beyond butterflies and late-night texting. Psychologically, true love involves emotional intimacy, deep care, trust, and a desire to support your partner’s growth — not just your own desires.

According to psychologist Dr. Robert Sternberg, love consists of three key components:

1. Intimacy – emotional closeness and connection

2. Passion – physical attraction and sexual energy

3. Commitment – a decision to maintain the relationship over time

When all three are present, we experience consummate love — a strong, healthy, balanced bond.

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What Is Infatuation?

Infatuation is intense but short-lived emotional attraction. It’s often based on fantasy, idealization, and chemistry, not true knowledge of the other person.

Some characteristics of infatuation

• Fast emotional escalation (feels like “love at first sight”)

• Obsessive thoughts and needing constant attention

• Overlooking red flags or incompatibility

• Seeing the person as “perfect” or “meant for me”

• High emotional highs, followed by anxiety or doubt

It can feel like love — but infatuation often fades once reality sets in.

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What Happens in the Brain?

Psychologists and neuroscientists have found that infatuation activates the brain’s reward system — especially the release of dopamine, the feel-good chemical. This can create a kind of emotional “high,” making the person feel euphoric, obsessed, or even addicted to the presence of the other person.

True love, on the other hand, is linked to oxytocin and vasopressin — hormones connected to bonding, trust, and long-term attachment. That’s why healthy love tends to feel safe, grounding, and emotionally stable — not just exciting.

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How to Tell the Difference: Love vs. Infatuation

Here’s a breakdown of how to tell whether you’re in love or just infatuated:

Feature	Infatuation	Love
Time Frame	Develops quickly	Develops gradually
Emotional Depth	Surface-level obsession	Deep emotional connection
Focus	How they make you feel	Who they are and how they grow
Stability	Feels unstable or up-and-down	Feels secure, calming
Sacrifice	Avoided unless it benefits you	Willing to compromise and care deeply
Understanding	Based on fantasy	Based on reality and acceptance

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Real-Life Examples

Infatuation
Jenna met Alex at a conference. They talked all night, texted non-stop, and declared their love within a week. She ignored his rude comments and dismissiveness because “he’s just busy.” When the excitement faded, she realized they barely knew each other.

Love
Aisha and Brian met through mutual friends and took time to get to know each other. They faced challenges — different backgrounds, careers, and communication styles — but they worked through them. She says, “It’s not always fireworks, but I trust him with my life.”

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Questions to Ask Yourself

• Am I in love with the person, or with the idea of them?

• Can I accept them fully — flaws, quirks, and all?

• Would I still feel this way without the constant excitement or attention?

• Am I rushing into this because I’m afraid of being alone?

Being in love means wanting the best for someone else — even if it means slowing down, facing uncomfortable truths, or growing together over time.

Love isn’t always loud, obsessive, or overwhelming. In fact, the truest kind of love often feels calm, respectful, and consistent. It gives you space to breathe, be yourself, and build a future together — not just a fleeting fantasy.

So ask yourself again: Are you in love, or just swept away? Your heart might know, but with self-awareness and reflection, your mind can help you see the difference.

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Still unsure about your feelings?
Visit MyOnlineRelationshipTherapy.com to explore relationship coaching, clarity sessions, and expert support to help you decode your emotions and build lasting, healthy love — starting from within.

What is true love?

Love is not the sparks, the excitement and the feeling as though your chest will explode. Butterflies? Love is not the deep yearning of desire and the red rose. It is not holding hands and walking on sand into the crimson red sunset. All these and more are great but they are not love. Are you inlove? Can you tell?.

Conscious Choices

After being married or even in a relationship for some years, I can tell you straight that feelings change. Feelings do not last. They are affected by stress, experiences, other people if you both let them and all kinds of things. People/human beings also continually change and this affects their feelings too. You spouse can change from the man/woman you once met, it can be a positive or negative change. They can also remain as they were when you met them but possibly at the time you were not keen on the red flags. Also you consciously chose to be with them in the hope that they will change.

How do you feel?

If we were to depend on feelings, our relationships would be ending as soon as the first storm hits them. True love is not a feeling, it is a commitment. To love someone means being committed to act lovingly towards him/her in every way regardless of how you feel and what is going on in your lives, is it possible, definitely!.

Compassionate Love

This kind of love is what the Bible talks about in 1 Corinthians 13. This love sacrifices for the sake of the other person. It is patient and kind, it is not irritable and keeps no record of wrongs. True love cares about the other person and seeks the best for that person and seeks to give without expecting anything in return. Huh! not easy but it is possible and it is a commitment we should strive for regardless of how we feel, and not have to rely on feelings. You can not decide to live with your partner based on only how they make you feel?. What happens if your feelings change?

Green grass syndrome

Does your neighbour’s yard seem attractive?. The green grass on the other side is normally watered. Water yours instead of admiring your neighbour’s yard. The solution to the problems in your marriage is not taking a 3^rd party “more understanding lover” and shifting your feelings to this new love interest. Those who have tried this option realize that perfection only exists in their imagination.

Warm fuzzy feelings

Do not trade your true love for some warm fantasized fuzzy feelings that will disappear the moment your loved one does something you do not like. Trouble in paradise begins whey they do something contrary to your expectations. True love is not something you fall into and therefore can fall out of. It is a love that you grow in, it something you can nurture.

Feelings don’t last but commitment does. Good people end up in bad marriages because both people in the marriage think themselves good. Do you always compare your partner and find that you deserve better, rather than seeing yourself as stewards of God’s goodness commanded to pour out his goodness on others, especially their spouse and children.