Are you inlove? Can you tell?

What is true love?

Love is not the sparks, the excitement and the feeling as though your chest will explode. Butterflies? Love is not the deep yearning of desire and the red rose. It is not holding hands and walking on sand into the crimson red sunset. All these and more are great but they are not love. Are you inlove? Can you tell?.

Conscious Choices

After being married or even in a relationship for some years, I can tell you straight that feelings change. Feelings do not last. They are affected by stress, experiences, other people if you both let them and all kinds of things. People/human beings also continually change and this affects their feelings too. You spouse can change from the man/woman you once met, it can be a positive or negative change. They can also remain as they were when you met them but possibly at the time you were not keen on the red flags. Also you consciously chose to be with them in the hope that they will change.

How do you feel?

If we were to depend on feelings, our relationships would be ending as soon as the first storm hits them. True love is not a feeling, it is a commitment. To love someone means being committed to act lovingly towards him/her in every way regardless of how you feel and what is going on in your lives, is it possible, definitely!.

Compassionate Love

This kind of love is what the Bible talks about in 1 Corinthians 13. This love sacrifices for the sake of the other person. It is patient and kind, it is not irritable and keeps no record of wrongs. True love cares about the other person and seeks the best for that person and seeks to give without expecting anything in return. Huh! not easy but it is possible and it is a commitment we should strive for regardless of how we feel, and not have to rely on feelings. You can not decide to live with your partner based on only how they make you feel?. What happens if your feelings change?

Green grass syndrome

Does your neighbour’s yard seem attractive?. The green grass on the other side is normally watered. Water yours instead of admiring your neighbour’s yard. The solution to the problems in your marriage is not taking a 3^rd party “more understanding lover” and shifting your feelings to this new love interest. Those who have tried this option realize that perfection only exists in their imagination.

Warm fuzzy feelings

Do not trade your true love for some warm fantasized fuzzy feelings that will disappear the moment your loved one does something you do not like. Trouble in paradise begins whey they do something contrary to your expectations. True love is not something you fall into and therefore can fall out of. It is a love that you grow in, it something you can nurture. Feelings don’t last but commitment does. Good people end up in bad marriages because both people in the marriage think themselves good. Do you always compare your partner and find that you deserve better, rather than seeing yourself as stewards of God’s goodness commanded to pour out his goodness on others, especially their spouse and children.