What Is Relationship Addiction?
Relationship addiction — sometimes called “love addiction” — is when a person becomes emotionally or psychologically dependent on being in a relationship. It involves:
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An intense fear of being alone
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Craving constant validation from a partner
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Jumping quickly from one relationship to the next
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Feeling empty or worthless without a partner
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Tolerating unhealthy or even abusive relationships just to avoid loneliness
It functions much like a drug addiction, where the presence of a romantic partner provides emotional highs, and absence brings anxiety, withdrawal, and panic.
Are you addicted to relationships?
Women are more prone to this dependence due to the way parent’s conditioned them. We know of the condition “you need a man”. How can you tell you are addicted to having a man? Addiction to relationships is a real thing! I am sure we all know at least one girlfriend who is constantly complaining of heartbreaks from one guy to the next.
The labels places is he/she is a ‘serial dater’. She is always in a relationship and doesn’t take time after a break up. I know all too well how many Mr. wrongs are out there, and only the lucky few find true love at the first try. But shouldn’t a whole list of them ring warning bells in one’s mind?
Series of Relationships
There was Peter who didn’t appreciate you and it ended in him humiliating you. Then shortly after came John who took advantage of your weak moment. Ok, let’s be lenient and assume he was a rebound, a girl can rebound. Hmmh! but what about Brian and Mike who came very shortly after John, were they rebounds too?. We seem to have a culture in which women think they can only be happy if they are in relationships. People feel they can only be happy if a man makes them feel better. They don’t take time to evaluate if the guy warming up to them is even worth their time.
Situationship
A month into the ‘relationship’ they realize it was nothing but a ‘situationship’. What’s worse, this happens repeatedly. Please realize that this can be a pattern and you need to break the pattern. Do you love yourself?. Did you learn to love yourself as you are?. Let’s reflect on our childhood, were you loved by your parents, did you witness love in your home as a child?. Were your parents loving and affectionate of each other?. These questions will help you understand whether you are seeking romantic partners to meet an unconscious need. We unconsciously seek the same dynamics we had as children, the same attachments. The same same version of love we were modeled as children.
Ticking biological clock
Society states that 30 is the big Three!. when a woman’s biological clock starts ticking louder than in her 20s. Consequently, there is some pressure on her to marry, settle down, have a baby or two. Live life based on your own standards and not standards set by society. It doesn’t help that the parents keep asking “When are you bringing someone home?”. I am not advocating that being single is the way to go, but why peg happiness on titles such as “girlfriend and wife”. When being that has brought you everything but happiness? Live your life for yourself not what everyone else expects you to be at this age, at this time etc.
Perfect Guy
We all grew up dreaming of having the perfect life, the perfect job, the perfect home and the perfect guy to have the perfect family with. Yes, these dreams are all possible, but meanwhile, our approach towards attaining them can be very worrying. Your friends may all be in relationships and they post pictures of themselves all over social media with captions but is that reason enough to keep accepting any Tom, Dick and Harry coming your way? Take time to get to know a guy before letting him into your life. Enjoy your life, your singlehood. You will be surprised how the heartbreaks lessen and how true love is not as elusive as it seems.
How It Overlaps with Codependency
Many relationship addicts are also codependent. Here’s where the two connect:
Codependency | Relationship Addiction |
---|---|
Focused on taking care of others at your own expense | Focused on needing someone to feel okay |
Feels self-worth from being needed | Feels self-worth from being loved or desired |
Fear of abandonment or disapproval | Fear of being single or alone |
Often stays in unhealthy relationships due to guilt or obligation | Often stays due to craving emotional intensity and fear of emptiness |
So while not all relationship addicts are codependent, many codependent people exhibit signs of relationship addiction, especially when they fear being alone or tie their identity too closely to their romantic partner.
Psychologist and author Pia Mellody, a pioneer in the field of codependence and love addiction, explains that people who are love addicted often:
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Come from emotionally neglectful or chaotic families
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Confuse intensity with intimacy
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Lack emotional boundaries
In her book Facing Love Addiction, she describes love addiction as “an obsessive focus on another person in an attempt to avoid feeling unwanted or unworthy.”
Similarly, researchers have noted that relationship addiction and codependency often stem from early attachment wounds, particularly anxious or avoidant attachment styles developed in childhood.
How to Know If You’re Experiencing Relationship Addiction or Codependency
Ask yourself do I:
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Feel anxious or lost when I’m not in a relationship?
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Ignore red flags because I’m afraid to be alone?
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Pour myself into someone hoping they’ll finally “complete” me?
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Feel responsible for fixing or saving my partner?
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Stay in relationships that are clearly unhealthy or one-sided?
If the answer is yes to many of these, it may point to relationship addiction, codependency, or both.
Healing Is Possible
Both relationship addiction and codependency are learned emotional survival strategies, not personal failures. Healing involves:
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Rebuilding your self-worth outside of a relationship
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Learning to set and maintain healthy emotional boundaries
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Addressing past trauma and unmet emotional needs
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Creating a fulfilling life on your own terms
Need support breaking the cycle of codependency or relationship addiction?
Visit MyOnlineRelationshipTherapy.com for tools, therapy support, and expert guidance to help you heal, grow, and build healthier connections — starting from within.
I would like help with my relationship
I cant keep my phone down.
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How to contact you?
Hi please share what kind of help you need
Please share the email you sent too
My email is
sarahwangun@gmail.com
You are welcome
sarahwangun@gmail.com
You can write to me
To stop what?
Please confirm which email you uses to write to me or alternatively forward the email to sarahwangun@gmail.com
If you need help please reach us on
sarahwangun@gmail.com
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