I work outside home: From the Psychologist’s desk

I work outside home

I work outside home: From the Psychologist’s desk. Since children are now in school, I have gone back to work. My job and the housework are giving me a lot of stress. My husband is not used to helping out at home. Should I give up my job? Is there any other solution?

This client is experiencing role overload — the stress that comes from trying to balance paid work and unpaid domestic responsibilities, especially when one partner (in this case, the husband) is not contributing at home. Here’s a professional, compassionate breakdown of how this client can be helped, with clear steps and analysis:

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Psychological Insight:

This issue reflects a common modern conflict, especially for women — the double burden (also called the “second shift”) working outside the home and managing the majority of home duties.

Key emotional themes here:

• Burnout

• Resentment

• Guilt about whether to stay employed

• Unmet expectations in partnership

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Step-by-Step Guidance

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Step 1 Validate Her Experience

Start by affirming that her stress is valid and real, not a sign of failure.

“It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. You’re not alone. Many women struggle with this silent pressure to do it all — and it’s unsustainable without support.”

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Step 2. Assess Her Values

Encourage her to reflect on:

• Why does she want to keep working? (Passion, financial independence, mental stimulation, career goals)

• What would she feel if she stopped working? (Relief? Regret? Loss of identity?)

This gives clarity before making emotional decisions like quitting a job.

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Step 3. Reframe the Problem as a Partnership Issue — Not a Personal One

This is not about her inability to manage. It’s about unequal distribution of household labor.

“You’re not asking for help — you’re asking for fairness.”

She needs to have a calm, respectful conversation with her husband where she:

• Expresses the emotional and physical toll of doing everything alone

• Emphasizes that both partners contribute to the family and both should share the domestic load

• Asks for specific, measurable support: e.g. “Can you cook dinner on Tuesdays and Thursdays?” or “Please manage the kids’ homework time.”

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Step 4. Try a Family Schedule or Task-Sharing System

Introduce a visible, structured weekly task chart:

• Divide housework based on time availability, skills, and preference

• Include the children if age-appropriate

This creates accountability and prevents vague promises like “I’ll help when I can.”

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Step 5. Practice Boundaries and Let Go of Perfection

Help her reduce unnecessary emotional labor by:

• Lowering the pressure to do things “perfectly” (e.g. meals, cleaning standards)

• Saying “no” to excessive expectations (from school, family, etc.)

• Letting go of guilt when resting or delegating

She can ask: “What tasks can be simplified, outsourced, or postponed?”

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Step 6. Explore External Support (if possible)

If financially feasible:

• Hire part-time help (cleaning, cooking)

• Use meal delivery services a few times a week

• Join a local parenting group for peer support

Even small external help can dramatically reduce burnout.

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Should She Quit Her Job?

Not necessarily.
Quitting the job is not the solution if:

• It’s a meaningful source of identity or joy

• The real issue is lack of shared responsibility at home

Unless the job itself is toxic or she’s in crisis, the first approach should be redistributing the home workload, not removing her income and independence.

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Conclusions

“You deserve to thrive both at home and at work. But thriving requires support — not silent endurance.”

This is a chance to reset family dynamics and set a healthier precedent for her marriage and her children’s future understanding of gender roles.

Psychologist’s answer

It is normal that you are suffering from stress if you have added 40 to 50 more hours of work per week, including travel time, to your schedule. Anyway, no matter how easy it is, a new job causes stress at the beginning. There is adjustment to changes of a new job which include location, new duties, different employees, different work structure etc.

Quitting

Personally, I do not think that you need to give up your job. It can provide you with healthy motivation and can contribute not only to your financial well-being but also to your physical and psychological welfare.

However, it is absolutely necessary that you find help at home. The best course of action would be to involve your family. If you ask for their help in a friendly and open way, they will undoubtedly support you. This will give your family a sense of solidarity and mutual understanding.

Have in mind some specific ideas when you ask your husband and your children to help:

• Don’t wait until you are exhausted from working to scream at them for not helping out around the house
• Look for the appropriate time to speak with all your family about your problem. Perhaps the weekend is the best time speak first with your husband. Express your concern, your feelings and your need of support. Afterwards, as a family, discuss the matter together
• Ask for a specific commitment from each member of the family. Each person should have his or her specific responsibilities. Ask them what they would be willing to do. Some men haven’t learned to cook, but they could handle dusting or vacuuming.
• Children, even young ones, can help with the chores, especially when it comes to their own things: their rooms, their toys, their closets and if they are now school-aged, they can take on more important responsibilities. Remember that by involving the children you are only relieving pressure on yourself, but you are teaching self-discipline and self-control. This could actually save you from future stress.

Follow through on the agreements reached. These types of plans tend to begin with lots of energy, but they also tend to run out of momentum until, once again, the responsibilities fall upon the original person. In order to make this plan work, you must thank your family now and again for their help, and remind them in a friendly, non-threatening way when they forget to do their part. When something is done especially well, dont forget to praise the person involved. This is absolutely necessary in the beginning before habits have been established. With time and patience, the new routines will become habitual and the tasks will eventually be done almost automatically.