Why you should stop looking for a relationship to complete you

How Wholeness Starts From Within — Not in Someone Else

Do you find yourself thinking:

“I’ll be happy when I find the right partner.”
“I just need someone who completes me.”
“When I’m in love, everything will fall into place.”

You’re not alone — these thoughts are common, and society often romanticizes the idea that another person will fill our emotional voids.

But here’s the truth- No one else can complete you — because you were never incomplete to begin with.

The “You Complete Me” Myth

The phrase popularized by romantic movies (think Jerry Maguire) has done more emotional damage than we realize. It suggests we are fragments, waiting for another person to finish our puzzle. But psychology, neuroscience, and real-life experiences all tell a different story.

“The belief that someone else will complete you puts your emotional wellbeing in the hands of another — a dangerous and disempowering place to live from.”
— Dr. Margaret Paul, Inner Bonding psychologist

What Research Says About Seeking Completion Through Others

1. Dependency Leads to Unhealthy Attachments

Studies by Dr. Phillip Shaver and Dr. Cindy Hazan on attachment theory show that people who seek completion in others often develop anxious attachment styles. This can lead to:

• Constant fear of abandonment

• Over-dependence on partners for emotional regulation

• Self-worth tied entirely to relationship status

This dynamic can create clinginess, jealousy, and even emotional burnout — for both partners.

2. Self-Worth Should Be Intrinsic, Not Relationship-Based

In a 2015 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, individuals who based their self-worth on romantic involvement experienced:

• Higher levels of anxiety and depression

• Lower life satisfaction

• Higher risk of staying in toxic or unfulfilling relationships

Your value doesn’t rise or fall based on who wants you — it’s inherent.

3. Happiness from Within Is More Sustainable

According to positive psychology expert Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, 50% of our happiness is genetic, 10% is circumstance, and 40% is based on our daily thoughts and actions — not on whether we have a partner.

This means you have far more control over your happiness than any relationship could provide.

The Emotional Trap of “Completion-Seeking”

Relying on a relationship to feel whole can lead to:

• Tolerating disrespect, as long as you’re not alone

• Constant comparison to others in relationships

• A fear-based approach to dating (“I’ll settle for anything as long as I’m not single”)

• Losing touch with your personal goals and dreams

You end up molding yourself to “fit” someone instead of living as your authentic self.

What True Wholeness Looks Like

Wholeness isn’t about perfection — it’s about accepting and loving yourself as you are, flaws included.

It’s about

• Being able to enjoy your own company

• Chasing dreams outside of romantic validation

• Knowing your worth isn’t determined by your relationship status

• Not needing someone to choose you before you choose yourself

Love Should Add to Your Life — Not Be Your Life

The healthiest relationships are built between two whole people, not two halves hoping to be made whole.

When you’re emotionally self-sufficient

• You love freely, not desperately

• You maintain your boundaries and identity

• You choose a partner out of desire, not need

• You’re more likely to attract emotionally healthy partners

“You don’t find your missing piece in someone else — you become a whole piece and meet another whole piece.”
— Brené Brown

How to Stop Looking for Someone to Complete You

1. Reconnect with Yourself

Take time to explore who you are outside of relationships. Journal. Travel alone. Reignite old hobbies. Build your inner world.

2. Seek Therapy or Coaching

Working with a therapist helps you uncover hidden wounds or beliefs that cause you to search for external validation.

At MyOnlineRelationshipTherapy.com, we support individuals in building healthy self-worth before, during, or after relationships.

3. Redefine What Love Means

Love isn’t someone “fixing” or “rescuing” you. Love is companionship, mutual growth, and emotional safety — but only when you already feel secure within.

Final Thoughts

You are already enough. A relationship can bring joy, companionship, and growth, but it should never be the source of your identity or self-worth.

So stop searching for someone to complete you.

Start becoming the person you want to share your life with — and watch the rest fall into place.

Ready to Begin Your Journey Back to Wholeness?

At MyOnlineRelationshipTherapy.com, we help individuals break free from codependency, reclaim confidence, and create emotionally fulfilling relationships.

Let us walk with you as you heal, rediscover yourself, and attract the love that honors the complete you.