Lonely and Tired of Pretending You’re Okay? Here’s How to Cope

Have you been smiling in public but silently aching inside?
Do you scroll your phone at night hoping someone will check in — but no one does?
Do you say “I’m fine” even when you feel like you’re unraveling?

If you’re lonely and tired of pretending you’re okay, you’re not weak. You’re human.
And you’re not the only one feeling this way.

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The Hidden Pain of Loneliness

Loneliness isn’t just the absence of people — it’s the absence of connection.
You can feel completely isolated even in a crowd, or even in a relationship, when your emotional needs are unmet.

According to a 2023 global report by the World Health Organization, loneliness is now considered a serious public health risk. Studies link chronic loneliness to:

• Anxiety and depression

• Weakened immune system

• Higher risk of heart disease

• Sleep issues

• Low self-worth

But the hardest part of loneliness isn’t just the physical symptoms — it’s the emotional exhaustion that comes from constantly pretending you’re okay.

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Why Do We Hide Our Loneliness?

• Fear of being judged: You don’t want others to think you’re needy or weak.

• Shame: You wonder if something’s wrong with you for not having “enough” friends, love, or support.

• Trauma or rejection: You’ve been hurt before, so it feels safer to stay silent.

• Societal pressure: Everyone on social media seems happy, so you fake it too.

But suppressing your feelings only deepens the loneliness.
You begin to wear a mask even around those closest to you.

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The Psychology Behind Loneliness

According to Dr. John Cacioppo, a pioneer in loneliness research, feeling lonely activates the brain’s threat system — the same one triggered by physical pain.

“Loneliness doesn’t just hurt emotionally. It rewires how we see the world — making us more suspicious, anxious, and disconnected.”
— Dr. Cacioppo, University of Chicago

This explains why, when we feel lonely, we:

• Pull away from people

• Stop reaching out

• Believe others don’t care

• Feel undeserving of love or belonging

It’s a painful loop. But the good news is: the cycle can be broken.

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5 Ways to Cope When You’re Lonely and Tired of Pretending

1. Acknowledge the Loneliness

Don’t minimize it. Your feelings are valid. Say it out loud:

“I’m lonely. I’m struggling. And I need connection.”
That honesty is a powerful first step.

2. Reach Out in Small, Honest Ways

Start with one person — a friend, a therapist, or even a support group.
You don’t have to share everything. Just saying, “Hey, I’ve been feeling a bit off lately,” opens the door.

3. Nurture Inner Connection

Loneliness is disconnection from others, but also from yourself.

• Journal your emotions without judgment

• Revisit old hobbies or start new ones

• Take walks and tune into your body’s needs

4. Limit Social Media Comparison

The highlight reels you scroll through aren’t the whole truth. Most people are struggling behind the scenes too.
Try a digital detox — even for 48 hours — and notice how your self-worth recalibrates.

5. Seek Professional Support

Loneliness can deepen into depression or anxiety if ignored. Talking to a relationship therapist or mental health coach can help unpack deeper issues like:

• Fear of rejection

• Childhood emotional neglect

• Codependency or attachment wounds

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A Note to Your Soul

You don’t have to fake it anymore.
You don’t have to keep wearing a smile when your heart is tired.

It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to say, “I don’t feel okay today.”
You’re not broken — you’re human.

And healing begins with truth.

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Need a Safe Place to Be Heard?

At MyOnlineRelationshipTherapy.com, we offer confidential, compassionate online therapy to help you:

• Process emotional loneliness

• Heal inner wounds that keep you stuck

• Build authentic, fulfilling connections

• Finally drop the mask and be your true self

Reach out today to begin a healing journey where your story matters — and your loneliness finds a voice.

Loneliness stings at any age!

Countless people experience loneliness either as a result of living alone for long and prolonged periods of being alone. A lack of close family ties and reduced associations/connections with their culture or an incapability to actively participate in local community activities. What to do when you feel lonely? 5 Tips for coping

People also feel alone when they find people around them whom they are relating with don’t seem to understand them. They feel judged, criticized and they can’t be themselves around these people. This results in an individual disconnecting and keeps to themselves.

Lack of consistent physical activities

Death or loss of a spouse, separation, break-up and social disconnection after leaving a career or employment or a familiar neighborhood are some of the life-changing events contributing to loneliness. These alterations to their day to day activities and events may result to feelings of isolation. In addition, experience challenges associated with adapting to these changes. Lately, self isolation due to the Covid 19 epidemic is also contributing to loneliness. People spending a lot of time at home without having creative ways of utilizing their time at home The imposed social distance, being away from people close to them for example away normal activities that required them to interact contribute to loneliness.

Emotional health related issues

Loneliness may lead to serious health-related consequences. It’s one of the main factors that lead to depression and an important cause of suicide and suicidal thoughts. Depression prevents people from enjoying life especially older adults like they did when they were younger. People become less active, less energetic, experience changes in sleep patterns and a decline in physical activities. Single people experience anxiety due to the belief that getting married and having a partner in their life is going to change their situation.

What to do when you feel lonely? 5 Tips for coping

1. Review your interests, hobbies and choose some things that you can do passionately and which you enjoy doing frequently
2. Consider if exploring or developing a new career can make use of your time. Volunteer in this new career interest to find out if you particularly like doing it and would like to do it the rest of your life
3. Become involved in your local church group. Think of many more areas in which you can be of value and offer service to your community
4. Join social groups such as friendship groups, women’s groups, sports and leisure. Activities such as walking, swimming and other exercises, fishing, gardening, arts and drama groups can greatly provide you with a sense of social belonging. My favourite is laying down comfortably picking a book and enjoying reading it
5. Take self-improvement courses, learning new skills such as arts and crafts, cooking will greatly contribute to self fulfillment.

Searching for love

Resist seeking love, resist feeling unhappy that you don’t have a lover and get on with life. Be the best person you can be. Be self-assured that the love of your life will eventually be with you. Relax. Let go and become disconnected from the outcome and allow the nature, universe do the rest, the love of your life will present themselves.