12 great ways to build your Self-Confidence

Confidence is a multi-layered trait that can come from different sources at different stages in life. Here’s a breakdown of how different elements contributes to building genuine self-confidence.

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1. Confidence From Within Yourself

This is the most sustainable and empowering form of confidence. It stems from your self-belief, values, and the internal narrative you tell yourself.

• How it works- When you know who you are, what you stand for, and trust yourself to navigate life’s challenges, your confidence becomes less shaken by setbacks or others’ opinions.

• Practices that build it- Self-reflection, journaling, prayer or meditation, positive affirmations, honoring your boundaries.

• Why it matters- Confidence that comes from within is not dependent on how others treat you—it stays with you even in failure or rejection.

“I can handle this even if I don’t have all the answers yet.”

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2. Confidence From Others

Encouragement, validation, and belief from others—especially during formative years—can serve as powerful fuel for self-confidence.

Examples- A mentor who believed in your skills, a teacher who praised your effort, or a partner who supports your dreams.

• But beware- Overreliance on external validation can make your confidence fragile. If others disapprove, it can quickly crumble.

• Healthy use- Use the support of others as a mirror—not a crutch. Let it remind you of your potential, but not define your worth.

“They believe in me—and I’m learning to believe in myself too.”

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3. Confidence From Your Achievements

Successes, no matter how small, help you build an evidence bank that says: “I did it before—I can do it again.”

• Forms of achievement- Academic success, completing a tough workout, learning a skill, overcoming a fear, surviving hardship.

• Why it works- Achievements create a feedback loop of capability. Each goal met boosts your sense of competence and trust in your ability.

• Tip-Celebrate process-based wins, not just outcomes. This reinforces effort and resilience, not just results.

“That challenge was tough—but I showed up, and I got through it.”

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4. Confidence From Childhood Experiences

Childhood is the soil where seeds of confidence are first planted—or neglected. How caregivers treated you affects your early self-image.

• Positive influences- Being loved, encouraged, allowed to try and fail, and given autonomy.

• Negative influences- Constant criticism, emotional neglect, comparison, or not being allowed to express yourself.

• The good news- Even if your childhood lacked support, you can re-parent yourself now through therapy, self-kindness, and growth.

“I didn’t get the emotional support I needed as a child, but I’m learning to give it to myself now.”

Learn how to look confident

Some people appear naturally confident but guess what? They have learnt how to be that way and so can you! Just because someone seems confident on the outside does not mean they feel that way on the inside. Some people have learnt how to look confident and that will certainly help you to feel better and encourage you as others respond to you in a more positive way. The secret to taking on challenges you fear is to learn how to look more confident and then you will feel more relaxed. If you lack self-esteem or self-confidence you must look above the reasons, you may be overly criticizing yourself or telling yourself negative things like “I am bound to fail” or “I am not good enough” or even “I don’t deserve that man” 

Other’s opinions and believes

Maybe you believe other’s comments or opinions about your inability to succeed or your faults as they see them. What’s stopping you from proving them wrong or challenging their view instead of accepting it? Defend yourself. Your self esteem depends on it!. If you have a poor opinion of yourself, why should others respect you?. Start with having regards for yourself first, value, self-respect and this will help you build your self worth. 

If you need confidence coaching, Contact/book an appointment for private sessions.

How you can become more confident and successful?

• Develop a positive attitude about life and things around you
• Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts – replace those limiting beliefs you formed as a result of what you were told in your childhood
• Change the way you talk to yourself – be more compassionate and understanding to yourself. Don’t make other people’s opinions of yourself be your truths
• Identify with a source – God, universe – source of your happiness, peace, joy and even confidence, have faith in your source
• Pay attention to your accomplishments – if you experienced failure, learn from it and work out what you did right and how can succeed now, forgive yourself for the decisions you made then that contributed to failure.
• Act as if you are self-assured – Most of the confident people you see have had to affirm themselves to be the people whom you see now
• Prepare comprehensively for any duties that you may have so that you can be sure you are ready
• Your skills are relevant regardless of where you are in life, if you feel you can add more or work on them do so
• Acquire some relaxation skills – deep breaths, meditation, journal, walk, read, exercises and even watching movies
• Set realistic achievable goals for yourself – mentioned earlier don’t be too hard on yourself
• Recompense yourself when you flourish

• Seek the services of a professional counselor or therapist may be helpful – write to us or send us a message
• Identify a model, a confident person and learn from them for example what do they do that contributes to their level of confidence