10 subtle signs your partner is cheating on you – How to tell if someone’s cheating

How Does Being Cheated On Make You Feel?

Understanding the Emotional Fallout of Infidelity and How to Begin Healing

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Betrayal. Shock. Numbness. Rage.
Being cheated on can feel like someone took a sledgehammer to the core of your identity. It shakes your sense of safety, trust, and self-worth. Whether it was a one-time affair or a long-term deception, infidelity cuts deeply — and the emotional wounds aren’t always visible to others.

But how exactly does being cheated on make you feel? And more importantly, how do you process that pain and move forward?

Let’s break it down.

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The Immediate Emotions After Being Cheated On

1. Shock and Denial

“This can’t be real. There must be a mistake.”
Your brain might initially reject the truth. Whether you discovered a text, found receipts, or were told directly — the cognitive dissonance can be overwhelming. It doesn’t align with the reality you believed in.

Real-life example

Sarah, after 6 years of marriage, discovered late-night messages on her husband’s phone. She replayed conversations in her head, convincing herself she misunderstood — because facing the truth was too painful at first.

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2. Crippling Sadness and Emptiness

“Why wasn’t I enough?”
Sadness often follows once reality sets in. You might feel hollow, even numb. The person you loved has emotionally — and physically — stepped outside the bond. That loss can feel like a death.

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3. Anger and Rage

“How could they do this to me?”
Rage often comes next. It may be explosive or silently boiling inside. You may lash out or isolate. Anger is a natural reaction to injustice — and cheating is a violation of trust.

Example

James, after learning his partner of 3 years had a secret affair, found himself yelling in the shower and punching pillows at night — unable to sleep or focus.

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4. Humiliation and Shame

“Do people know? Are they laughing behind my back?”
Infidelity doesn’t just hurt — it embarrasses. You may feel exposed, judged, or like you were the “fool.” This is where self-blame can dangerously creep in.

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5. Loss of Self-Esteem and Identity

“Am I too old? Not attractive? Did I do something wrong?”
Even if you were a loyal and loving partner, being cheated on often makes people question their value. You may pick yourself apart, compare yourself to “the other person,” and forget your worth.

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The Psychology of Betrayal

Infidelity is traumatic. Research by psychologists like Dr. Jennifer Freyd and Dr. Shirley Glass has shown that betrayal from someone close causes:

• Relational trauma

• PTSD-like symptoms

• Hypervigilance (constantly checking for signs of lies)

• Emotional withdrawal from future partners

Betrayal violates our attachment system — the emotional bond we rely on for safety and comfort. That’s why it feels like the ground is crumbling beneath you.

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Emotional Aftershocks That Can Linger

• Fear of trusting anyone again

• Difficulty forming new relationships

• Obsessive overthinking (“Where did it go wrong?”)

• Disrupted sleep, eating patterns, and energy

• Depression or anxiety

• Social withdrawal

You may even stay in the relationship, trying to “fix” it — while secretly battling panic, suspicion, and resentment.

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Please Note: It’s NOT Your Fault

Cheating is a choice — not a reflection of your inadequacy.
Even if the relationship had problems, the betrayal was not your responsibility. You are not “too sensitive,” “too emotional,” or “not enough.” You are simply hurt — and that pain is valid.

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How to Begin Healing

1. Feel It to Heal It

Don’t suppress your emotions. Cry, journal, scream, sit with the pain. Releasing it is the first step toward clarity.

2. Seek Support — You Deserve It

Talk to a trauma-informed therapist who understands relationship betrayal. Therapy helps you process the layers — grief, self-blame, shame, and fear — and begin to reclaim yourself.

3. Don’t Rush Forgiveness or Reconciliation

Healing doesn’t require immediate answers. Whether you stay or leave, take time to focus on YOU. Rebuilding self-trust comes before repairing external trust.

4. Rebuild Your Identity

Pick up what cheating tried to steal: your worth.
Reconnect with things that make you feel alive — hobbies, friendships, creativity, purpose.

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Therapeutic Insights

Being cheated on feels like emotional demolition. But just like a house after a storm, you can rebuild — stronger and wiser. The pain is real, but it’s not your whole story.

You can love again. You can trust again. But first, give yourself permission to grieve, rage, cry, rebuild, and rise.

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Need a Safe Space to Process Betrayal?

At MyOnlineRelationshipTherapy.com, we offer confidential online therapy for individuals dealing with:

• Infidelity trauma

• Rebuilding self-worth after betrayal

• Navigating tough decisions in love and loss

• Finding your voice again

Reach out today — You don’t have to carry this pain alone.

10 subtle signs your partner is cheating on you – How to tell if someone’s cheating

Did you see it coming? 10 Subtle signs your partner is cheating on you – How to tell if someone’s cheating

• Your partner is emotionally unavailable over the past few years or months and it’s not work related.
• He/she is not going through some loss/trauma either.
• You feel like the two of you lost connection and understanding
• Having miserable arguments over anything, petty “things”
• Specifically you can’t seem to agree on anything
• Everything about you seems to annoy him/her
• One partner enjoys staying out more often and give excuses to justify his behaviour – not valid excuses
• Partner enjoys spending more time at work rather than at home
• Sometimes you cant figure out where he is, he’s not out there with mates? He’s not at work, not hanging out either
• The subtle gut feeling that something is not right
• No interest or desire to have sex with you

So you begin feeling ignored and you wonder what he’s upto?

These and more are clues of your partner having an affair. Although, we can’t yet conclude that it’s happening because we are yet to “catch him” however, it does not have to get to that. In addition, don’t panic! don’t torture yourself by suddenly becoming an investigator and snooping on his phone. Refrain from asking questions like “where have you been?” Above all, stay relaxed, calm, respectful and polite. Your partner will tend also to use his/her cell phone a lot and to keep it away from you.

More clues

They don’t seem to enjoy your company. Boyfriend sound like they don’t care and they have lost interest in anything about you. Specifically, they demand more privacy and independence and stop making plans with you. He/she will most certainly avoid conflict and silence follows. 10 subtle signs your partner is cheating on you – How to tell if someone’s cheating

Gut feeling

Now that you have this intuition and some evidence that your partner is having an affair what do you plan on doing next? Stop your thoughts from going into overdrive about this realization. Halt the endless suspicions and the disbelief. Above all get to understand why is this happening. What can you remember about your childhood?.

As adults we seek out emotional situations similar to those we had in our childhood. How were your parents treating each other? Did they fight and argue a lot?. Then you will go for someone to fight with. If they put each other down, they were critical of each other?. Then you will choose guys who undermine your self-worth. If your parents neglected you or neglected each other, you will seek spouses who will neglect you too.

Was this man/woman married before?

Does this man have children from his former marriage? Do you feel satisfied/happy with your relationship with him? How do you feel? You are probably repeating a pattern of feeling unloved in your childhood by choosing people who can’t be there for you both emotionally and physically too. Start thinking about your past and if you spot this pattern, repetitive cycle drop anyone including your current partner. Let them go. Anyone who mistreats you need not be in your life. Make a point of only mixing with people who are nice to you.

Improve your Sex life

How is your sex life? You need to work at your sex lives because that’s what binds couples together. So back to point, what can you do when you find out that your spouse is having an affair? You need to understand that spouses stray for different reasons. Maybe there are problems in the relationship, something is missing like passion has faded or your spouse has found someone who treats them better with respect. People also happen to cheat when they find themselves in situations where their emotions overwhelm them.

What options do you have?

People want spouses who are understanding, appreciative, caring, helpful and fun to be around. Analyze how your relationship has been the past couples of years, do you find like you fight a lot. Is your home filled with fighting and bickering?. What options do you have? Couples can survive infidelity so long as they can resolve their underlying problems calmly. Do all you can to improve things with your partner and try to work out with your partner and resolve the underlying issues, before considering option 2. Leaving(to be featured in a different article.